Words from a fellow blogger that I follow "Happily Surrendered and Submissive. "I am feeling like the life preserver is just out of reach right now and I am just getting tired."
This is extremely close to how I feel on a regular basis, as I have expressed several times.
See http://needyt.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-abyss-deep-immeasurable-space-gulf.html
It describes the feeling of being just out of reach, unable to get to the much needed sanctuary of peace.
It is hard to imagine in the vanilla world that we all operate in on a usual basis this need that we have for dominance, to have someone take control, and take away my choices, which we all know is our choice.
It is such a new concept for me. If someone in my vanilla life tries to take my choices away I get pretty defiant and do what I damn well please. So why is this so different?
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
First Play .....
Much has happened since my last blog....
I had a Birthday, grateful to still be in my 40's, I begrudgingly got one year older. I also had a little bit of much needed play time right before. It has taken me some time to write about this because I have had to do a lot of processing, and I have gone over this experience many times in my head in an effort to put it into the right words to describe the events and express what I was thinking as well as what I was feeling at the time.
So, I call to my "Phone a friend"/ "play partner" letting him know I am close by......
He worked late, and I had been driving around for over an hour just about ready to go home.
"Door will be unlocked" I will be in the shower.
As I walk in I am reminded that I am suppose to follow the rules, rule number one in particular stands out. Rule # 1) Only sexy clothes in the house after verifying there is no one else home. This means you will at a minimum strip down to your panties and bra. Delays on this rule will earn double demerits. This did not go unnoticed by Master, but he does not say anything until I am over his knee.
I already have 5 demerits from previous smart mouthing and talking bad about myself. Rule # 6) You must always remember how pleased Master is when you think of yourself as sexy and showing off your assets. No tolerance of self disparity will be allowed.
I look around put my purse down by the window. Take off my shoes put them neatly by my purse and then try to figure out what I want to do with myself. This is only the second time I have been in His house. The first time I sat on the opposite couch and we did not touch until a quick hug as I am going out the door and when he gave a couple quick swats to my butt. I was so nervous I did not even feel them it did not register until I got to my vehicle that he got those in.
So I decide to sit on the same couch to wait for him to come out of the shower. Fully dressed, and sitting on the small couch that I so safely sat on the first time I came into His home. When he comes out into the dining area I notice he has His paddle tucked under his arm and says very casual hello. He just asked what I wanted to do, I said that he did mention Adult Themed Scrabble, and that may be a good ice breaker.
He starts to tidy things up and we set up the board. The the best of my ability I will recite some of the rules.
If I loose its another Demerit. Odds were totally against me winning! At this point I couldn't think of any adult themed words outside of S E X. But do I decline? Hell no, I agree to the rules, and we grab our tiles. I have four items of clothing on and he has three, and he gave me 20 or 40 points for no reason. Generous Confident Ass!
I actually held my own pretty well, I gave him a few points, but probably should have just chosen to take off my clothing since it was inevitable that this was going to happen. As it is he was the first one to take off his shirt and that was the catalyst for me to be brave enough to take mine off the next time I was out of adult themed words. Mind you there were plenty of options at times but no place to put them. And when there was a place there was no word. The other issue was that as in regular scrabble if you can make two word with your one word the other word also had to be adult themed. WTF.
I lost...Shocker right? Not.
So that makes 6 Demerits plus the previous Extra hand spanks previously earned. Okay so I am still in my panties, and I am asked to "take them off and let me see how well you have shaved...
So I am not sure how or why this just seemed like such a reasonable request but it is like I am in another place in time where what is "normal" is just not necessary anymore. ( this is not my normal) I am being touched like so many characters I read about in the stories that so thoroughly entertain me. Like so many of my friends in blog land have described in many different ways.
I am not sure what all was said if anything, but then his direction, "Come stand over here, and bend over my lap." He takes his time getting me comfortably planted across his lap. Its weird the things that go through your head when you are face with a very new situation, that you have never experienced before. Bent over, ass exposed, legs being pushed apart ass being pet.
D-"Are you ready? What are you suppose to do?"
s- "count punishment spanks."
D-"What happens if you loose track?"
s-"we start over"
D-"That's right we start over for that set."
Oh thank goodness, we do not start over from the beginning.
D-"Have you broken any rules today?"
Oh shit....
s-"rule #1?" He says nothing....Wew.
Round 1: Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs which have been moving quite a bit....rub and probe my sweet spot, I assume just checking my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Hmmm, not so bad....I think this will be okay....
Round two: start over
Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs which I cannot keep in any particular place, not sure if it hurts worse to clench my muscles or relax... I relax for a short time but...rub and probe my sweet spot, checking my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Round three, Round four... same but a little harder to concentrate on counting.
Round Five:
D- "How many?"
s- four?
D- "Four?"
s- "Five?"
Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs... I like it when he adjusts my legs, to rub and probe gauging my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Round Six:
Same as before, but I have noticed, that I am counting through clenched teeth. Its a good thing I am done....with my demerits.
D- "are you ready to feed the dragon?" I could not express then or now just how ready I was.
I am lead to his room.
D- "get on your knees and take off my shorts."
Biggest most beautiful balls I have ever seen. The room was dark, so I could only see their silhouette as I was on my knees taking off his shorts, the light coming from the door behind him. It was very impressive.....
I had a Birthday, grateful to still be in my 40's, I begrudgingly got one year older. I also had a little bit of much needed play time right before. It has taken me some time to write about this because I have had to do a lot of processing, and I have gone over this experience many times in my head in an effort to put it into the right words to describe the events and express what I was thinking as well as what I was feeling at the time.
So, I call to my "Phone a friend"/ "play partner" letting him know I am close by......
He worked late, and I had been driving around for over an hour just about ready to go home.
"Door will be unlocked" I will be in the shower.
As I walk in I am reminded that I am suppose to follow the rules, rule number one in particular stands out. Rule # 1) Only sexy clothes in the house after verifying there is no one else home. This means you will at a minimum strip down to your panties and bra. Delays on this rule will earn double demerits. This did not go unnoticed by Master, but he does not say anything until I am over his knee.
I already have 5 demerits from previous smart mouthing and talking bad about myself. Rule # 6) You must always remember how pleased Master is when you think of yourself as sexy and showing off your assets. No tolerance of self disparity will be allowed.
I look around put my purse down by the window. Take off my shoes put them neatly by my purse and then try to figure out what I want to do with myself. This is only the second time I have been in His house. The first time I sat on the opposite couch and we did not touch until a quick hug as I am going out the door and when he gave a couple quick swats to my butt. I was so nervous I did not even feel them it did not register until I got to my vehicle that he got those in.
So I decide to sit on the same couch to wait for him to come out of the shower. Fully dressed, and sitting on the small couch that I so safely sat on the first time I came into His home. When he comes out into the dining area I notice he has His paddle tucked under his arm and says very casual hello. He just asked what I wanted to do, I said that he did mention Adult Themed Scrabble, and that may be a good ice breaker.
He starts to tidy things up and we set up the board. The the best of my ability I will recite some of the rules.
- Only unarguable Adult Themed words on the board.
- If you do not have an adult themed word you can exchange all or some of your tiles + one and you either take off an item of clothing or give the other person 20 points.
- other than that normal scrabble rules apply.
If I loose its another Demerit. Odds were totally against me winning! At this point I couldn't think of any adult themed words outside of S E X. But do I decline? Hell no, I agree to the rules, and we grab our tiles. I have four items of clothing on and he has three, and he gave me 20 or 40 points for no reason. Generous Confident Ass!
I actually held my own pretty well, I gave him a few points, but probably should have just chosen to take off my clothing since it was inevitable that this was going to happen. As it is he was the first one to take off his shirt and that was the catalyst for me to be brave enough to take mine off the next time I was out of adult themed words. Mind you there were plenty of options at times but no place to put them. And when there was a place there was no word. The other issue was that as in regular scrabble if you can make two word with your one word the other word also had to be adult themed. WTF.
I lost...Shocker right? Not.
So that makes 6 Demerits plus the previous Extra hand spanks previously earned. Okay so I am still in my panties, and I am asked to "take them off and let me see how well you have shaved...
So I am not sure how or why this just seemed like such a reasonable request but it is like I am in another place in time where what is "normal" is just not necessary anymore. ( this is not my normal) I am being touched like so many characters I read about in the stories that so thoroughly entertain me. Like so many of my friends in blog land have described in many different ways.
I am not sure what all was said if anything, but then his direction, "Come stand over here, and bend over my lap." He takes his time getting me comfortably planted across his lap. Its weird the things that go through your head when you are face with a very new situation, that you have never experienced before. Bent over, ass exposed, legs being pushed apart ass being pet.
D-"Are you ready? What are you suppose to do?"
s- "count punishment spanks."
D-"What happens if you loose track?"
s-"we start over"
D-"That's right we start over for that set."
Oh thank goodness, we do not start over from the beginning.
D-"Have you broken any rules today?"
Oh shit....
s-"rule #1?" He says nothing....Wew.
Round 1: Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs which have been moving quite a bit....rub and probe my sweet spot, I assume just checking my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Hmmm, not so bad....I think this will be okay....
Round two: start over
Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs which I cannot keep in any particular place, not sure if it hurts worse to clench my muscles or relax... I relax for a short time but...rub and probe my sweet spot, checking my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Round three, Round four... same but a little harder to concentrate on counting.
Round Five:
D- "How many?"
s- four?
D- "Four?"
s- "Five?"
Hand spanks One side then the other, different spots each time a minute or two of rubs. Pause......Check in....Spread my legs... I like it when he adjusts my legs, to rub and probe gauging my excitement.
Paddle rub....one...two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten.
Round Six:
Same as before, but I have noticed, that I am counting through clenched teeth. Its a good thing I am done....with my demerits.
D- "are you ready to feed the dragon?" I could not express then or now just how ready I was.
I am lead to his room.
D- "get on your knees and take off my shorts."
Biggest most beautiful balls I have ever seen. The room was dark, so I could only see their silhouette as I was on my knees taking off his shorts, the light coming from the door behind him. It was very impressive.....
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