Yes, I am still learning what it is I am looking for.
I am thinking that I cannot just be a play partner...I need the more, the daily expectations and specific abc 's of D that go with everyday life of a sub. I realize that it is not just getting spanked or having kinky play that I am looking for, I need the meaning, and substance behind the actions.
....I need the daily calls or check-in asking did you do ABC? Why not? or Good Girl. Tell me how did you do with --- by the way you have until --- to do --- and send me --- to prove it is done.
I do not want to feel like I am a bother, rather I want to feel like He gets satisfaction out of seeing me excel in everything that I do. That this is something that He wants not just like He is doing me a favor.
I realize that it takes time, dedication, imagination, and a commitment, but that is what is being asked of me....isn't it?
I am not able to be with Him all the time, it is important to be able to just know He is there, and that He is in control no matter how long it has been since we were last together, no matter when the next time will be.
I need the protocol to be about what He feels I need based on the things that are important to me.
Serving Him in a way that also serves me in the process.