So it is no secret that Needy T is derived from my email address firstname.lastname@example.org and my first initial. I am not needy and desperate, or even as Webster Dictionary suggests poverty stricken or marked by want of affection, attention, or emotional support, emotionally needy. OKAY SO MAYBE A LITTLE BIT OF THE LATTER.
Most importantly, back to my original thought, I have been needy for instruction, direction, and proper motivation to be better, do better and feel better.
I am what I would call direction-ally challenged.....
I can sooo relate to the following: "Baby. Baby girl. Baby doll. Pet. Sweet Pet. I like these words. When you call me baby or pet I feel safe and taken care of.......... It means you will protect me and keep me safe, just like parents do with their babies and owners do with their pets...........
The way I feel when you call me your good girl, now that’s a very good thing. It’s similar to baby and pet but much, much better. My panties get wet just thinking about it. When you call me good girl I know I’ve pleased you, I know you are proud of me, I know I am yours."
These are not my words and in fact I cannot remember where I got them.
I am sure they are someone that I follow regularly. So if you recognize them feel free to let me know and I will credit you appropriately.
We talk a lot about spanking and punishment but one of the things I find interesting is that we do not talk as much about the reward side of the D/s dynamic. Perhaps we don't talk about it because the praise that we get doesn't excite us in the way that a good spanking scene does. However I think that praise and reward can be administered with the same hot result.
Punishment definitely has a large role to play in the D/s relationship but I think that the goal of the punishment is to elicit a positive outcome which I should hope in turn elicits praise or reward. After all we all want to please our Doms/Masters/Sirs, don't we?
I know that for me I find myself exploring ways to please HB to the point of distraction several times throughout the day in hopes of hearing things like "good girl". When I do not get this I turn into a brat. I start getting "snarky" and I attempt to "poke a stick at the bear so to speak" to get some sort of reaction. For me it is true that negative attention is better than no attention. Unfortunately with HB he is not easily enticed and too passive to actually punish me so I get away with this bratty behavior leaving me even more irritated and frustrated. It is a crazy vicious cycle.
I need balance, I need someone who takes the time to notice the good things and address the negative before it gets to a point that I am antagonistic. Once it gets to the point where I am looking for trouble I need him to initiate a punishment that will motivate me to avoid those behaviors.
I am asked by a friend that I chat with regularly why didn't I do or not do something that I know I should do and my answer is usually "because I lack the proper motivation". Pretty simple.....
I am struggling with so much lately... Ups an downs, depression, frustration, irritation and agitation. So much so that I am just at a loss for how to manage it. I am so full of piss and vinegar that I cannot real it in.
I have been waiting so long for a great storm. I just need a storm to come in with its magnificent power. To create the kind of chaos that ends up in a calmness and peace. Insane but when you think of a storm as a form of cleansing, where the loose branches fall, the dead leaves blow away, the strong and sturdy trees remain rooted and standing tall. After the storm and clean up what is left is peaceful and beautiful. A gift of Gratitude left in its wake. Grateful for what was not lost. Grateful for the simplicity of what life has to offer. Grateful that the storm is over and that you survived its furry and came out better for it.
My storm is brewing inside me. Disrupting my concentration, intruding on my thoughts, disturbing my sleep. Its stirring up everywhere I go, creating messes, and kicking up dust.