Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Great potetial but did not work out with his wife: Laying the foundation....

This was really the best potential for a Daddy/Dom relationship for me but unfortunately his life partner and sub was not able to get over the jealousy, he would pay hell every time he would make contact with me which at first was quite a few times a day since he started out with me needing to tell him every time I had to pee.  Which weirdly became quite often since having to report it every time.  I was the weirdest experience since I had to kind of plan ahead.  The deal was that I would ask if I could pee and he would answer.  If he did not answer within 10  minutes I could just go.  I did get in trouble a couple of times for forgetting.
The wife was involved, we even met for lunch a couple of times and talked many times about "our Dom" but the overall assessment of it from my side was that she was not feeling fulfilled and secure with their relationship and so a third was just not going to work.  Her words did not match her actions.  We actually had a pretty good potential to be good friends as well.  We have a lot of the same vanilla interests. 
  So unfortunately I am still periodically in contact with this person but we are not able to carry on with a D/s  relationship.  but the following was the basic beginning rules that he established.  

Boss:  Following the rules and guidelines will bring rewards and happiness to your life and in turn will make you responsible for your own happiness.  Alternatively, not following them will bring sadness and punishment.  The end results therefor are your own.  Understand?

lil slut:  Yes.

Boss:  Remember this as you may be asked to know and repeat if asked....
Don't think- just do!
Don't hesitate - just do!
Don't Question- just do!

lil slut:  Okay.

Boss:  Learning to be the best slut takes time.  Takes discipline and takes willingness to learn about how to better your self for me.

lil slut:  Okay.

Boss:  You will advise me of your clothing choices for the day and at any time you change them so I may monitor your choices.

Boss:  You will advise me of your meals and snacks again so I may monitor your meals and choices....

 Boss:  You will advise me when you shower or bathe as well.

lil slut:  Okay...but I am about to eat some soup I have not eaten today....

Boss:  You will inform me of all your daily activities, especially when you leave to go someplace and when you return. 

lil slut:  I have to tell you when I leave my house and when I return. 

Boss:   Not just your house, your work, home or anywhere else you go.  And then when you are leaving to return from your trip. 

lil slut:  Okay.

Boss:  You must now from this time forward  ask me for permission  to go on to fetlife...accepting friendships on fetlife.

lil slut:  Okay...but what about my blog?

Boss:  I would like to see you continue with your blog daily if at all possible.

Boss:  Your sexual and bodily needs are now under my control...you must ask permission  before having sex or masturbation and you must perform if instructed as well...you must ask permission to orgasm as well.

lil slut:  So just for clarification:  I have to ask permission to have sex with my husband?  What if I did not have a chance to ask and he wants sex.  I have never denied him sex ever.

Boss:  Asking permission only if you initiate....never deny if he wants....but you must report to me ALL DETAILS of the encounter.

Boss:  This is a big one.... You may no longer urinate without my permission...if you ask for permission and I am unable to answer within 10 min. you may then relieve yourself...bowel movements are not included.

lil slut:  OMG really....

Boss:  Told you it was a big one...but for me...an important discipline one...

lil slut: Fine

lil slut:  Can I at least have the first one or middle of the night one without asking?

Boss:  Yes...that's a reasonable compromise for now.
Boss:  Actually the first one is most common so that has to stay in place...

lil slut:  It would raise suspicion with him if he notices.

Boss:  There is the 10 min. guideline for any communication issues. Missing one now and again due to suspicious spouses will be taken into consideration....

lil slut:  Ok I will do my best.

Boss:  I'm not oblivious to your situation and will consider it at all times as I would expect you to do the same for mine....its all about that balance.

lil slut:  Okay.

Boss:  that's the gist of it for now....there is a lot more to come and it will get a lot harder... we can discuss the penalty portion a little later.

Boss:  any questions or concerns or just thoughts before I go?

lil slut:  No I will just think for a bit.

Boss:  Have a good day my lil slut....I'll be thinking of you.....

lil slut:  Ty.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

So I am typing this on my phone so we will see how it goes.  I have been struggling for months with trying to find a Dom to really connect with.  So far I have had several initial claims of interest and all flaked out for one reason or other.  I do not know where you all...I sincerely concider you all my great mentors cause I read what many of you write and much of it really hits home.....anyway back to my thought.  I do not know where you all got your Dom but you are all very lucky in deed.  I am so discouraged right now I cannot even fully put it into words.   I realize most of you have Dom partners that are life partners and that I fear is the key.....I do not have that option.  My life partner is just not that person.  On the other hand I keep asking myself why isn't that relationship enough. Why do I want someone to Dom me so badly?  So bad that I would risk everything I currently have.  It does not make sense.  I have had some interesting interactions, with some interesting characters, in my attempts to find someone who could fulfill this need... let me tell you.  It really has been one after another starting out strong..saying some of the right things and bam they disappear.  Only a couple have the balls to tell me that what I am looking for is not what they are looking for.  But overall I think what many of them are looking for is a sex delivery service.  The Dom seems to be present when it comes to how I can accommodate them but no real thought about my safety, well being, or how they can help me be the best I can be.  For them blow jobs and  anal fucking seems to be the bottom line.  When I hear those things I have to stop and think about the real reasons they are making a connection with me.  Some of these men...okay most of them have very tender egos.   Those seem to really get their nickers bunched if you say the wrong thing....it certainly is not an easy endeavor finding that special person who can put their ego aside and can lead you in a way that makes you want to be a better person.  I do not want to give up...I just have little faith.....

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Nice to know....New beginings ahead!

It is nice to know many of my fellow bloggers had been just as busy and remiss in there writings..... It just took me three days to catch up on all of the blog's I usually keep up with and it seems I did not miss too much!  Whew...... I will say that I found some very helpful shares and it has gotten me thinking again.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I was unsure about my direction and asked myself these questions:     "Do I turn my back on what I have identified as a missing link to feeling safe and steady......is there still a storm lying within lying and waiting and slowly brewing inside?"

I have been thinking and reading and reflecting and the answer is no I am not ready to turn my back on this journey.  It is not just going to go away, I am still interested in finding my way through it.   I do not know what that will look like but it is important for me to be true to myself.  A friend of mine said that he thinks I am still learning who I truly am inside and trying to figure out how to incorporate it into my daily life.  That is very true....I am trying to find the balance as another friend often reminds me is needed in this endeavor.  These are not new concept for anyone living the TTWD, D/s lifestyle regardless of the particular players involved or the variety of circumstances.  All relationships regardless of type needs balance. 

I believe the storm is definitely still brewing.   An exciting and energizing storm....  I am looking forward to a new year full of challenges and discoveries and taking a leap of faith.