Thursday, June 5, 2014

Six month update......

I wrote this as my very first post just about 6 months ago.

Saturday, December 14, 2013
Restless, anxious, and needy.
I have been looking at other's blogs, I am so envious about the things I am reading, I have an ache for that missing something.

Nothing has really changed.  When I look at my other posts they pretty much say the same things only in a different way.  
I am no closer to getting the things I need than I was before. 

I don't like to be a whiner.  It is so great reading others stories, and so many of them start out the same way as I and have made progress.  Some in their primary relationships and others outside of them.  Believe me I have thought of all of the options I just have been unable to move in either direction.   

I have enjoyed outside conversations with a particular person and those conversations have been really exciting and very enticing  in many ways.  Without a doubt this person could provide me with a big piece of what I am looking for.  I also have to say it has been nice to think that he sees me as desirable to him. ( I have a hard time believing it which makes it difficult to write).   I do not have the confidence and it is hard to trust others words but there has been enough "adult talk" and flirting to make me suspect that he could/would fulfill many of my desires.

There is a reason there are 2,404 members on the group "BDSM outside the Marriage" on Fet.  Just saying.

I follow a couple of people that have both relationships at home and abroad so to speak but they all know about each other.  That would not fly here in my situation.
It is hard to explain just how "this" is not about that part of me.  I have invited him to explore that part and he has a little bit, but it truly is not him.   I do not love him less because of it, but he would love me less for saying that it is just not enough.   A couple playful cracks on the ass is not doing it.

There has been no rush or push to change things for now, but it does not mean I do not contemplate further action.  I look forward to the messages and the conversations everyday, both vanilla talk and hot sexy talk.

I remember a great lesson I learned about being lost in the woods.  Just sit down and don't move.  That may be what I need to do for now.


  1. Hi T.
    I was in your situation and it took me a very long time to come to where I find myself now. I really believe one just has to follow the path and each step taken no matter how slow will lead to where it does. In my case I became so needy to satiate the ache in me I went down a path that I would never have contemplated 10 yrs ago. Just do what is right for you.

    L xx

  2. Little,
    Not sure why it won't let me reply directly.
    But I want to thank you for your support. I appreciate that you respect that this is my path and I have to walk it or run it in my own time and at my own pace. I really was hesitant to post it, I was afraid that some people may have some very strong feelings about it and even express some strong opinions. Thank you for hearing me. It is greatly appreciated.