Friday, May 16, 2014

Things Can Certainly go Either Way.

We talk a lot about spanking and punishment but one of the things I find interesting is that we do not talk as much about the reward side of the D/s dynamic.  Perhaps we don't talk about it because the praise that we get doesn't excite us in the way that a good spanking scene does.  However I think that praise and reward can be administered with the same hot result.

Punishment definitely has a large role to play in the D/s relationship but I think that the goal of the punishment is to elicit a positive outcome which I should hope in turn elicits praise or reward.  After all we all want to please our Doms/Masters/Sirs, don't we?

I know that for me I find myself exploring ways to please HB to the point of distraction several times throughout the day in hopes of hearing things like "good girl".  When I do not get this I turn into a brat.  I start getting "snarky" and  I attempt to "poke a stick at the bear so to speak" to get some sort of reaction.  For me it is true that negative attention is better than no attention.  Unfortunately with HB he is not easily enticed and too passive to actually punish me so I get away with this bratty behavior leaving me even more irritated and frustrated.  It is a crazy vicious cycle.

I need balance, I need someone who takes the time to notice the good things and address the negative before it gets to a point that I am antagonistic.  Once it gets to the point where I am looking for trouble I need him to initiate a punishment that will motivate me to avoid those behaviors.

I am asked by a friend that I chat with regularly why didn't I do or not do something that I know I should do and my answer is usually "because I lack the proper motivation".  Pretty simple.....


  1. True-- as subs we need our "motivation" and sometimes that must come in the form of punishment. However, your mindset--that is up to you, lady. You can choose and decide how to express your submission. You can do that whether or not your Dom is "passive" or not easily baited into punishing your because of your bratting. Think of your submission as service to *him* not as your submission being inititated or confirmed by him and you will see a change in your mindset. He will too. Just my two cents.

    1. Good point Smartingoff I definitely have to adjust my mindset. Thank you for your Two Cents!